Category Archives: Uncategorized

“ I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be…”- Robert N. Mensch

People today can’t understand why my seven siblings and I still talk to my mom. Once we tell them how we grew up they say that if they had the mom we have they would’ve cut ties with her a long time ago. If I think about it and put myself in the other persons place listening to our life story, I’d tell the same, and ask them why they still have her in their life.

I love my mom, despite everything, even though I know I shouldn’t love her anymore, but she’s my mom. How can someone just stop loving their parent? I know it’s doable, plenty of people do it, but for some odd reason I just can’t. Being a narcissist, my mom puts on a good front and people believe it. This poor single mom of eight kids trying her hardest to raise them the best she can, and how well she’s done so far. Little do those people know is that I raised them. I was stuck taking care of all of them.

She’s fake to everyone including her kids. Forever pitting my siblings and I against each other. Her norm for how we all should be with each other is single one out, usually the one that isn’t quite doing all that well in their life at the moment, and talk badly about them. They’re a disappointment, a failure, a piece of shit, a hopeless cause, someone that’s never going to do any good in their life. She starts the shit talking about one of her own kids and encourages the others to join in. Now, if you don’t join in then automatically something is wrong with you and then you become the next target.

I’m currently the target, at 29 years old with four kids, my mom and five of my siblings have nothing better to do then to belittle me and make me feel like I’m the worst mother in the world and I’m a failure. They talk about my life as if they know what’s going on with it when they don’t. They know nothing about my life, they don’t bother to message to see how I am, nor do they visit. So how is that they know so much about my life?

People hit hard times and end up having to start over again. Well, recently I lost my job and my home and unfortunately have had to move back to my moms. She’s made me feel awful since I got here. She tells her friend and my siblings all the time about how much of a burden my kids, my wife, and I are being back here. Forever talking about how the stupid decisions I’ve made in my life and keep making will always make me a nothing. Stupid decisions as in being gay and married to a woman. That because I’m gay I’m raising my kids wrong, that they deserve a better parental figure like her. My siblings agree that she’s a better parental figure than me because they consider me to be completely insane.

I’ve done some wrong in my life but nothing to ever make any of them be this way towards me. I’ve never hurt anyone mentally or physically like a couple of my siblings have. I take care of my kids, I listen to my kids, and I don’t encourage them to talk badly about one another. Apparently that’s not how a mother is suppose to be, silly me.

Any wrong that I’ve done is being gay and she hates it. I’m a disappointment, I’m a nothing, I’m a failure , I’m a fuck up. And my siblings are brainwashed by her into thinking that because I’m all of those things I’m not to be talked to anymore, I’m not to be loved by them anymore. I’m nothing because of that decision I made.

Yet, two of my brothers that have done unspeakable things, and became sex offenders are praised and we’re told that “They’re still your brothers and you’ll love them just the same.” How much sense does that make? I’m told to still have my children around them simply because their my brothers and I can’t make them feel different for what they’ve done? Yet all of them can drop me and my kids like we’re nothing?

Someone please tell me where the logic in that is.

How can my brothers consider themselves better than me considering what they’ve done? How can they all just act like what they did was no big deal and pretend it never happened? It makes no sense to me, nothing in this family does..

I love you Mommie dearest

“Ah, but nobody ever said life was fair, Tina. I’m bigger and I’m faster. I will always beat you.” This quote was something my mom always told me after she had me watch the movie Mommie Dearest countless times. She told me to always remember that, that she will always beat me at everything even when I’m older, and life will forever be unfair. At five years old I didn’t quite get it, I thought she was joking because the quote was just from a movie. She looked serious though when she told me that so I believed it for the most part.

This whole post isn’t going to be me comparing my mom to Joan Crawford. I just felt that this comparison would make a good first impression of my mother to others. So you all can kind of already have an idea of how my mom is and what my future posts will be about. There is so much to tell about how I grew up, what I went through with my siblings, and how at 29 years old with four kids I still have to deal with my mommie dearest.

I had to grow up too fast because of my mom. She taught me how to feed and change my baby sister when I was two, simply because she wanted to live her life the way she did before having the two of us. Selfish. She was and still is just so selfish. How can any mother expect a two year old to take care of a baby and herself. There I was having to try and put a diaper on my sister and then having to change my own.

Now I know that this all seems a bit too unbelievable, because for one how is a two year old capable of caring for a baby when she’s a baby herself? For two, how could this baby remember any of that? What if it was just a dream that seemed like that’s what happened? There’s no possible way a child at that age could remember something like that.

I have impeccable memory, which is great but not so great. I’m not a fan of remembering so many things that have happened in my life. My mom doesn’t believe I have a good memory only because here and there growing up I would tell her different things I remembered that were bad and she didn’t want to believe that happened and told me that I either made it up or it was a bad dream.

I needed to stop telling “made up” stories to people because her and my dad would get in trouble and my siblings and I would get taken away and we’d all never see each other again. They weren’t made up stories, none of them were. I never told anyone these so called “made up” stories, so her being so worried about what would happen if I did say something made it very clear to me that everything I remembered is real, it did happen, and it could get my dad and her in a lot of trouble.

Now, with reading just a bit of my start in life as her daughter, how much worse do you think mommie dearest gets as I get older? Or does she just stop being mommie dearest for good?